101-Word Stupor — “Out of the Sea”

Posted by on Aug 16, 2010 in 101 Words, Comedy

Keywords: Brie, Cadence, Metallic 

“Oh, hell, I’ll tell ya,” he says in a quick cadence, “Ain’t never caught a fish this big. A-yup, it’ll feed the little-uns for weeks. That fish come up singing. Singing. I spat out the brie Mary packed me soon as it smiled and winked. It had this long red hair, see? Long ass metallic-green flippers. Sang ’bout walkin’ where people go, seein’ things out of the sea. I just a’ smiled and dumped it inside mah boat. When I got home, Mary slathered it with sweet butter. Damn thing squealed the whole time I deboned it. Here, have a bite.”

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101-Word Stupor — Can I Stay the Night?

Posted by on Aug 15, 2010 in Uncategorized

Keywords: Sweatshirt, Cowboy, Vitriol

The old farmer smells turpentine and sex: like bologna and mayo sandwiches warmed in the sun. He tilts his straw hat, pulls a pickle from his pocket and munches. “A-yup,” he says with vitriol. “They been diddlin’ in my shed.” The stained mattress tells the story. A soiled sweatshirt sits near the tractor, likely used to mop up. Old Joe loads the shotgun. It’s always the same. He’s filled three ditches with traveling salesmen, lawyers, cowboys. He’s filled the barn with cars that “broke down” or “ran out of gas.” Thinking of his three beautiful daughters, Farmer Joe whistles. It’s time. 

Preview for tomorrow: Brie, Cadence, Metallic 

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101-Word Stupor — Grocery Store Torture

Posted by on Aug 14, 2010 in Uncategorized

Keywords: Scone, Linebacker, Aphrodisiac 

Helen stops setting groceries on the conveyer belt. She stares at the magazine cover. That’s me, she thinks. Well, not anymore. She glances down at her own 45-year old linebacker body, sniffs, and returns her gaze to the airbrushed blond with the high-arched cheeks. Helen grabs the bag of scones from the checker’s hand. “Not those,” she says, trying to exude the same Aphrodisiac Charm as the girl on the cover. I used to look like that, she thinks. I used to— “Paper or plastic, ma’am.” Ma’am. Ma’am. When did people start calling me— “Do you need help to your car?”

Keyword Preview for Tomorrow: Sweatshirt, Cowboy, Vitriol

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101-Word Stupor — Free Range

Posted by on Aug 13, 2010 in Uncategorized

Keywords: Boisterous, Abracadabra, Golf 

George’s wife and her lover rotate on the rotisserie pole, bare asses dipping into the fire with every turn of the spit: hers, his, hers, his… The metal growls with each rotation. Abracadabra! his friend’s body disappears into the flames, then reappears. They’re screaming, but not like they were when George caught them. Now his wife rasps unintelligibly. And his friend sounds like the pig they roasted after playing golf last weekend. The spit grinds, rotates, and drags his wife through the fire. Something’s missing. With a boisterous “Ah-hah!”, George enters the trailer and emerges with two shiny apples. Much better. 

Keyword Preview for tomorrow: Scone, Linebacker, Aphrodisiac 

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